Tarantino is writing a 20 page review of SR

[crazy_asian_man]

The final scene of Tarantino's Superman Returns Again script:

INT. - BRAINIAC'S SPACESHIP - LATE LATE LATE AFTERNOON, BUT BEFORE DINNERTIME

SUPERMAN, RICHARD, JASON, LOIS, JIMMY, and BRAINIAC all are in the same room on Brainiac's ship. There is another damaged piano, flung by JASON, that has killed BRAINIAC's alien chia pet. Everyone but Jason is in shock.

LOIS
Richard.... Superman.... I should tell you something about Jason....

SUPERMAN
(Planting another American flag in Brainiac's ship's living room)
Uh-oh... Lois, I don't think this is such a good idea right now...

LOIS
Superman, will you stop planting American flags everywhere--- just for ONE SECOND? I know you're here for truth, justice, and the American way...but jeezus...! Get over here!

SUPERMAN
(stops, and positions himself in front of the planted American flag in a very handsome pose, and starts eating a piece of apple pie)
Alright, Lois. You were saying...?

LOIS
Richard, Jason isn't your son.

RICHARD
Whaaaaaattttttt??? Well, who's the father, then?

SUPERMAN
(starts shoveling another piece of apple pie into his mouth and nervously looking around)
..um....

LOIS
Relax, Superman, he's not your son, either.

SUPERMAN
(spits out the apple pie involuntarily, killing one of Brainiacs' guards in the next room by its sheer velocity)
Whaaaaattttt?

JASON
Who's my dad, then?

LOIS looks embarrassed. All eyes look at the other guy in the room.

JASON looks at BRAINIAC.

JASON
Dad....?

BRAINIAC
(Winces) Awwwww, heck noooo...!

JIMMY
Golly gee, Miss Lane, first you cheat on Richard, then Superman. You're a real skanky ho, aren't you, Miss Lane?
(Takes a picture)

SUPERMAN
Lois, Jason, Richard, Jimmy, Brainiac.... I'll see you later, all right?

SUPERMAN flies away from Brainiac's spaceship, and SMILES towards the audience. Boy, he dodged a speeding bullet. Cue in triumphant John Williams/ John Ottman music. End credits.

THE END

;p

((*Apologies if anyone finds this material too sacriligious in the fortress... just having some fun- ))

[Keith]

That's pretty funny stuff.

was making me thing about the Superman Quote threads that we've done over the years, coming up with new things that they say. Hilarious stuff.. miss it a bit.

Keep em coming if you can

[adam15]

LOL! Seriously I liked the bit where Superman washes his suit!

[crazy_asian_man]

I can't believe you folks are encouraging this. But. ok!

Oh my, another missing scene found... this time with notes from the WB!

INT. - BRAINIAC'S SHIP - BEFORE LUNCH

BRAINIAC sees SUPERMAN, wringing the water out of his cape, as he flies through space.

((*WB NOTE: CAN WE HAVE A POP SONG HERE IN THE BACKGROUND, TO PROMOTE OUR WB RECORD LABEL DIVISION? IT WORKS GREAT FOR "SMALLVILLE", REALLY IT DOES.))

BRAINIAC squints and looks at the tiny 'S' shield on SUPERMAN's chest, then reaches for a microphone and speaks into it.

BRAINIAC
Are you the son of Jor-el?

((*WB NOTE: BE SURE NOT TO HAVE ANY IMAGES OF JOR-EL, IF AT ALL POSSIBLE IN THIS ONE. WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THOSE GREEDY BRANDO BRATS.))

EXT. - SPACE - BEFORE LUNCH

SUPERMAN looks at Brainiac's kryptonian spaceship.

SUPERMAN
I am.

SUPERMAN flies to the top of the spaceship.

BRAINIAC
What are you doing up there?

SUPERMAN
Oh, nothing....nothing. Just welcoming you to Earth.

BRAINIAC
Is that...an American flag you're planting on the top of my ship?

SUPERMAN
(shuffling his feet)
What if it is?

BRAINIAC
It's nice. Do you have any more?

((*WB NOTE: CAN WE HAVE SUPERMAN PLANT A FLAG OF BURGER KING NEXT TO THE USA FLAG AS WELL? THAT'LL HELP WITH THE BONUS MEAL TIE-INS.))

SUPERMAN smiles and covers the ship in American flags and 'go USA' bumper stickers.

BRAINIAC
Nice.Would you like to come into my ship for some apple pie?

SUPERMAN smiles. Successful first contact.

INT. - BRAINIAC'S SHIP - LUNCH

Sounds of a super-belch. A stack of empty pie shecks lie are on the table in front of SUPES. The place is immaculately designed, with a futuristic disco dance floor center stage, with a couple of dancers who resemble JOHN TRAVOLTA and UMA THURMAN.

((*WB NOTE: Quentin, if John and Uma agree to the cameos, be sure to use the software to de-age them, so as not to offend our teen demographic. ))

BRAINIAC
So, how do you like my pad?

SUPERMAN
It's amazing. I've never seen Kryptonian Feng Shui used to this degree.

BRAINIAC
Ah. Good eyes. You ARE the son of Jor-el. He never got credit for his interior decorating skills when he was alive.
You like the throw pillows, then?

SUPERMAN
I could use a few for my own place. A chair wouldn't be bad, though.

BRAINIAC
Yeah, we Kryptonian home designers always have a thing against chairs and sofas.
You have to admit, we do have amazing beds , though. And....scientifically speaking, with our Kryptonian architecture theory- it's a great gimmick to get Kryptonian women into the sack, eh?

"Oh, I don't have a chair for you to sit down on, but if you're tired of walking around looking at crystals and spinning hula-hoops, I have an amazing bed right over here." Gotta love those crystals.

SUPERMAN
Uhm...yeah....

BRAINIAC
Oh, don't tell me you haven't used that trick once or twice.

SUPERMAN
(red-faced)
Well...

BRAINIAC
How about the memory kiss? You know about the Kryptonian memory kiss? Oh, don't tell me he never taught you that!
(SUPERMAN shrugs his shoulders)
Your dad should have mentioned that one! Boy, when your dad was younger, he used that on all the gals.... of course, there were only two women on Krypton, your mom, and Vond-ah, but ...ah, that's another story.

SUPERMAN
There's a memory kiss? What's it do?

BRAINIAC leans over and whispers in SUPERMAN's ear. SUPERMAN's eyes pop wide open.

SUPERMAN
WOW! If I knew how to do that, I would never have had to turn around time. All that spinning around the world... I've been doing it the hard way!

BRAINIAC
SAY WHAT? You did...what?

SUPERMAN
Um....nothing. Nothing.

((*WB note: Do we really need to have Superman in this movie? We can save a lot if we remove his character from the script. ))

[adam15]

Oh my there is an after credits bonus scene!!!!


We see an old folks home with Christopher Reeve and Michael Keaton dancing around the room flapping their elbows like chickens singing:

"Old Grey Men we ain't what we useta be... ain't what we useta be..... ain't what we useta be!"

[crazy_asian_man]

Oh my there is an after credits bonus scene!!!!


We see an old folks home with Christopher Reeve and Michael Keaton dancing around the room winging their arms like a chicking singing.

"Old Grey Men we ain't what we usta be... ain't what we usta be..... ain't what we usta be!"

[Jimbo]

Dang CAM, you're on a roll lately. ;D

[crazy_asian_man]

Dang CAM, you're on a role lately.

I got hit by a meteor rock. (Now I have this weird urge to do the exact same things over and over and over again....)

[Jimbo]

May 9, 2009 11:19:02 GMT -5 crazy_asian_man said:

I got hit by a meteor rock. (Now I have this weird urge to do the exact same things over and over and over again....)

Wait a minute....hit by a meteor rock....doing the exact same things over and over again.....

Have you become the TV show Smallville?

[crazy_asian_man]

I got hit by a meteor rock. (Now I have this weird urge to do the exact same things over and over and over again....)