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Post by crazy_asian_man on May 8, 2009 20:15:22 GMT -5
With the success of X-men Origins= Wolverine, WB has decided to model its new Superman films using the same formula. Being discussed: "Superman Origins= Gus Gorman" This film will center around a young computer genius, Gus Gorman, before his encounter with Superman. His various unsuccessful adventures in retail and tragic failed romance with a social worker with mononucleosis. Leads up to the first scene in "Superman 3", where Gus Gorman files for unemployment. "Superman Origins=Lacey Warfield" Lacey Warfield, before her father bought the Daily Planet and before Lacey meets Clark Kent/Superman. Lacey goes shopping and sleeps around. If both prequels go into production, expect a crossover-cameo by Gus Gorman, for increased boffo box office potential. Are there any other prequels in the works that anyone else has heard about from WB? (hint hint)
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Post by adam15 on May 8, 2009 21:21:16 GMT -5
Superman Origins: Jeremy
In Superman Origins: Jeremy we see how Jeremy was concieved; his Mom was getting it on with a dog in the back of her pickup truck (the big twist is that the dog turns out to be Buster from Superman III--- Jeremy and Ricky are half brothers!!!!)
The main plot is the Mom trying to get Jeremy back because the nurse gave her afterbirth to take home by mistake.... Jeremy was accidentally disposed up as medical waste and suffered a severe concussion in the waste machines. This is why when he got older the only two words he knew were 'Sure, okay' in that exact order.
We then see Jeremy going to school and dealing with his sexual confusion as well as being ridiculed by his fellow classmates. In SIV a boy teases that Jeremy wants to seal his letter to Superman with a kiss... this is explained by Jeremy presenting a short story to his class called "The Prince and I" in which Jeremy is a Princess and Superman is the Prince to sweep him off his feet and marry him! The whole class erupts in laughter and the teacher paddles Jeremy's bare booty in front of everyone until it is swollen shut as punishment and then gets his leash and collar and ties him to a fire hydrant outside for the rest of the day!. Jeremy in his shame disbands himself from his classmates; spending all his time thereafter looking out the window wistfully waiting for his Prince charming to arrive.
One day he is so horny that he can't take it anymore and decides to write to his handsome prince personally by randomly picking out a current event and asking for Superman's 'help' with the problem.
The abrupt scene in SIV when Jeremy wishes Superman woulda said 'yes' is explained by having Jeremy ask Superman if he will lick his b**ls for him. (Jeremy, a half-dog, is tormented that he cannot do this himself and asks Superman if he would help out.)
The film then enters the events of SIV from Jeremy's perspective until he gets to the gallery at the UN to wait for Superman. In the gallery, Jeremy prances around singing "I'm a dainty lil princess waiting in my tower for Prince charming to save me!!'
But then Lois bursts into the room and says "You're mine sweet cheeks!" Jeremy barks in protest but is dragged into the auditorium by Lois and she plants his butt on her lap!
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Post by crazy_asian_man on May 8, 2009 22:35:15 GMT -5
Wow. I take it "Superman Origins=Jeremy" is going for the pg-13 rating?
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Post by ADigitalMan on May 8, 2009 22:39:50 GMT -5
My lord I've missed this place. Best laugh I've had in ages. Can hardly see the monitor for the tears.
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Post by Jimbo on May 8, 2009 23:47:36 GMT -5
Superman Origins: Brad Superman Origins: Rocky That is all.
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Post by ADigitalMan on May 8, 2009 23:55:41 GMT -5
Superman Origins: Lenny Luthor Like, it's this totally rad picture of the 80s dude. It stars Molly Ringwald and, like, that loser that played Spicoli. That dude is so going nowhere in his career. Anyway, it, like, gets all into the gnarly history of, like, how Lenny got his first drum set from Charlie Sheen, and how Vans became the coolest shoes in the world. Right on, dude.
Superman Origins: Otis Terror is afoot in the Georgian foothills when Otis goes canoeing with some friends, encounters some moonshining hillbillies and finds himself on the wrong end of the stick ... so to speak ...
Superman Origins: Kara This prequel to Supergirl attempts to explain ... oh who the heck am I kidding, that movie is totally unexplainable.
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MerM
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Post by MerM on May 9, 2009 1:28:48 GMT -5
Superman Origins: Leueen
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Post by adam15 on May 9, 2009 3:11:14 GMT -5
Superman Origins: Boog
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The Phantom Menace
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Eyes to the stage, pilgrim, she's just warming up.
Posts: 3,325
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Post by The Phantom Menace on May 9, 2009 9:17:23 GMT -5
Superman Origins: American Boy With the British Accent
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Post by crazy_asian_man on May 9, 2009 11:16:27 GMT -5
Scary films, guys... KEEP IT UP! ;D
Especially see huge box office potentials with SUPERMAN ORIGINS=BOOG and SUPERMAN ORIGINS=LEUEEN. (Not to mention action figures and bizzare looking DC DIRECT overpriced statues that never resemble the actors.)
SUPERMAN ORIGINS= The guy who gets hit in the face with the ice cream in Lester's S2. That man's story definitely MUST be told on the big screen.
(*With Michael Bay directing. (I see an image of that man walking away from a giant explosion in slo-mo, only to get hit with an ice cream.)
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Post by adam15 on May 9, 2009 23:33:39 GMT -5
In Superman Origins: Boog we learn that Boog is actually a travelling transvesite hooker who travels from town to town swappin' stories and seamen with the local rednecks, and giving the local sheriff a sponge bath for the privlege!
The thing is, Boog has an odd obsession... he likes to smell the red neck men he sleeps with before bedding them. He moseys on in to a bar and starts smelling the partrons until he finds a nice beefy filthy buck-toothed hillbilly that smells good to him.
At that point Boog says 'ohhhh baby you smell good 'n strong!' Boog then puts his hairy lard of a leg on the table so his butt-buddy can see his new panties. The butt-buddy usually says 'yee-hawww' girlie man u got some sweet buns.... they sproutin' with red hair I wanna eat em up like red-cinnamon cakes.... sitt 'em on my mouth!!!"
But Boog, (ever the transvesite lady), says well 'you and I might do some lovin' but you only SMELL strong!!! I gonna arm wrestle you and if you beat me... then I let ya beat me later 2 nite!!!!"
So they arm wrestle and whether tranvesite Boog gets some red-neck booty later that night depends on if he can be beaten.
We then go into the events right before Superman II, Boog is givin' a spong bath to the Sheriff in East Houston so he'll allow him to hunt for men in bars. However, during the sponge bath Boog drops the sponge in the pail where the Sheriff is sitting in buck naked.
Boog tries to fish for it... but ACCIDENTALLY GRABS THE SHERRIFFS NUTS!! The Sheriff goes 'what the sam hill?" Boog just looks at him lovingly and wipes off his make-up and takes off his wig and says "It's me... Boog!"
Boog and the Sheriff then start gettin it on in the tub and the Sheriff says "Ohhhh.... Boog you're BOOG-A-LICOUS!!" Boog says "Ahhh I got a wide selection here for you!" The Sheriff says "I'll eat anything... gimme yer meat and potatos!!!"
So when the Sheriff asks "Is that you Boog?, we know the complex history behind these characters! And when the Sheriff was talking about his town having a wide selection; he was talking about Boog! I can't wait for Superman Origins: Boog!!!!
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Keith
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Post by Keith on May 9, 2009 23:52:59 GMT -5
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Post by crazy_asian_man on May 10, 2009 0:41:02 GMT -5
Wow... That seemed like such an innocent little town in SII, too. After reading this, I have to say, I'm a little scared to view what your extended fan cut of SII would look like, Adam15.
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Post by adam15 on May 10, 2009 0:54:11 GMT -5
Ahhhh... come'on you KNOW that something wasn't right about that town! Dunno if it was inbreeding or whatever... but wasn't it weird that the Sheriff could identify Boog by only viewing his back and bum???
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MerM
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Post by MerM on May 10, 2009 4:02:09 GMT -5
That seemed like such an innocent little town in SII, too. After reading this, I have to say, I'm a little scared to view what your extended fan cut of SII would look like, Adam15. Oh, I want to see it! It'd be the best David Lynch/John Waters collaboration there never was!
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Post by albertd on May 10, 2009 4:53:10 GMT -5
lol! ;D
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Post by adam15 on May 10, 2009 15:18:47 GMT -5
Stay tuned for Superman Origins: Lesbian who falls off Great Wall of China
You ain't seen nothing yet!!!
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MerM
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Post by MerM on May 10, 2009 19:36:14 GMT -5
I think Superman Origins: Mr. Hornsby has the most box office potential.
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Post by adam15 on May 10, 2009 20:24:06 GMT -5
Oh don't you worry Mr. Horny plays a BIG role in Superman Origins: Lesbian who falls off Great Wall of China.
To all my readers I say prepare yourself. This latest origin story WILL BE the most vile sick and twisted account you have ever read in your life. DO NOT read it if you are a decent human being, are a religious individual, or if you ever consider having children.
Again, you have been warned; this latest Origin story will be a disgusting and heinous tirade which WILL cause offense to everything that is decent in this world. heck I might be forced to put it in the Chaos forum!
HOWEVER, I do promise that it WILL also connect with Superman Origins: Jeremy and SO: Boog as well. These three origin stories will together complete a puzzle which will unlock all the secrets of the Reeve Superman universe!!!
COMING SOON TO A SUPERMAN FORUM NEAR YOU!!!
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Shane
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Post by Shane on May 10, 2009 22:33:08 GMT -5
Superman Origins-Deputy Dwayne
this movie explains the origin of deputy dwayne and his reoccuring rash while eating beans
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Post by crazy_asian_man on May 11, 2009 0:14:05 GMT -5
;D I foresee a trilogy.
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Post by crazy_asian_man on May 11, 2009 0:15:41 GMT -5
What have I started with this thread?
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Post by adam15 on May 13, 2009 21:04:09 GMT -5
What have I started with this thread? Yeah... bet you never thought you'd create a thread that would inspire the word "boog-a-licious." Now you have THAT on your conscience!
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atp
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Post by atp on Mar 7, 2014 14:03:56 GMT -5
;D I foresee a trilogy. Tri please?
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