My weekly notes on the Puzo STM-SII script (2nd draft)

[crazy_asian_man]

Timewise, I can't tackle it all at once... so, thought to share a 'sorta blog' of sections at a time either daily or weekly on what I'm able to read.

First off: The first few pages of Krypton/smallville-

* It's amazing to think of the blank page (sortof, Puzo had the volumes of comics)- and of Puzo trying to figure out what to include and what not to include with all the Superman stories up to that point.

* The fairly detailed visualization of Krypton and its inhabitants is a far cry from what evolved to Donner's version. Will get to it more in another post- but visually, I don't think there's ANY way that the money and fx tech could have given the vision that Puzo had for Krypton. But now- yes, it can be done. But back then- no.

Also- the script is interesting is that it reads now and then with a number of production notes and suggestions that Puzo has for making the script become a live action adaptation. He notes that Krypton will make its appearance several times throughout the script.

* The beginning feels more grounded and less mythic than how the Donner film turned out. The aging up of the council feels more like Donner's decision to adjust to make Brando look younger (or not so old) - as well as Krypton in general. The philosophy of the Kryptonians are stated as caring more for others rather then themselves- very interesting choice, and didn't seem to survive the evolution to film.

* Rather than the crystals (thanks John Barry for that touch!)- there's a semi-clunky exposition of a super-computer in the ship that Supes has to learn from a young age to mentor him before he leaves Smallville.... so, definitely a big jump happened in evolution to the crystals that call him in the film.

More later. So thrilled that this was flatly laid out so there's no need for requesting anything from that previous website.... just can download and click and read! More later...

[crazy_asian_man]

Something I forgot to mention: In the credits scene in the beginning, it has an odd bit where Superman and Luthor are on one side of earth, facing down the faces of 4 of the Phantom Zone criminals on the other side of the planet. If I read this correctly, almost like a fantasy image at the very front of the film of the heroes and villains. (Seems more like an old b-film image, rather than the epic daring of Donner's credits)

Anyhow-

The first real 'clunker' bit to me is of the computer sort of raising Clark, (not personalized like the Jor-el a.i. in the films)- and flatly telling the Kents it's time to go live by himself and leave. Not NEARLY as emotional and romantic as what it would evolve to. There is a scene of Clark visiting Pa Kent in the hospital as he's dying and saying he was the most powerful person on earth, but couldn't save him.... but it feels odd in the context of him just saying he had to go leave the Kents because the computer told him to.

The trip to the arctic (where he BUILDS the Fortress)- has adult Clark basically throw everything in to a trailer and drive up there. Again, glad that it evolved to the more elegant and light version of Clark just walking to the wondrous John Williams music and tossing the crystal. But... again, Puzo did the first setting of the table. But, it's interesting to see how far it went.

On a random note, it's weird to see that Puzo has the Fortress of Solitude having a fireplace and polar bear rug!

- Then -

The transition to Clark Kent is a bit...mundane. Odd that Puzo had the Daily Planet be the tv newsroom, rather than the newspaper that it evolved back to in the films. While the comics at the time had Clark become a newscaster if I recall correctly, it still feels weird reading it.

Steve Lombard is introduced, and it feels a bit... weird. Lois Lane is mentioned as being newscaster that used to be a reporter as well. Just, so strange... Morgan Edge is also introduced, and it's all a bit.... flat.

- Then -

Luthor is introduced, his hideout, with 4-5 Henchmen & Eve. Lex plans a bank robbery.

- Then -

The bank robbery crosses paths with Clark, Lois, etc.--- and Superman makes his appearance, fighting the robbers. This is the first appearance.... rather than the epic helicopter scene. With Supes stopping a bank robbery, then trying to chase down Lex.

Again.... wow, I'm suprised how mundane this was versus how it evolved. Superman does go into the Lair right away, which is a maze that's kinda cool.... but nowhere close to the first appearance of Supes in the STM film!

- Then -

Perry White, Lois, Jimmy, etc. - talk about what happened and Superman is named there.... not the rooftop encounter with Lois.

So.... so far, while I'm finding the origins of the movie fascinating, it makes me appreciate the Donner classic EVEN moreso! Ok, more later...

[Kamdan]

The bank robbery crosses paths with Clark, Lois, etc.--- and Superman makes his appearance, fighting the robbers. This is the first appearance.... rather than the epic helicopter scene. With Supes stopping a bank robbery, then trying to chase down Lex.

Again.... wow, I'm suprised how mundane this was versus how it evolved. Superman does go into the Lair right away, which is a maze that's kinda cool.... but nowhere close to the first appearance of Supes in the STM film!

The Superhero Stuff You Should Know pointed out that this scene may have been a homage to a similar situation in Action Comics #1 that led to its iconic comic book cover. The final movie speaks for itself on how that evolved into something iconic in its own right. We now all expect Superman first meeting Lois through a crash of a flying vehicle of some sort. Definitely a positive case of going against what’s previously established.

So.... so far, while I'm finding the origins of the movie fascinating, it makes me appreciate the Donner classic EVEN moreso! Ok, more later...

Told ya that’s pretty much the reaction you’d get out of it. Seems like we’re predisposed to the idea of what could have been would have been better (i.e. The Donner Cut), but we’re mostly proven that the final results are the best that could be offered at the time. Something I don’t think Caped Wonder has is all of the notes and conversations that were had with DC Comics and many of the points were addressed.

[crazy_asian_man]

Feb 2, 2023 6:42:15 GMT -5 Kamdan said:

The bank robbery crosses paths with Clark, Lois, etc.--- and Superman makes his appearance, fighting the robbers. This is the first appearance.... rather than the epic helicopter scene. With Supes stopping a bank robbery, then trying to chase down Lex.

Again.... wow, I'm suprised how mundane this was versus how it evolved. Superman does go into the Lair right away, which is a maze that's kinda cool.... but nowhere close to the first appearance of Supes in the STM film!

The Superhero Stuff You Should Know pointed out that this scene may have been a homage to a similar situation in Action Comics #1 that led to its iconic comic book cover. The final movie speaks for itself on how that evolved into something iconic in its own right. We now all expect Superman first meeting Lois through a crash of a flying vehicle of some sort. Definitely a positive case of going against what’s previously established.

So.... so far, while I'm finding the origins of the movie fascinating, it makes me appreciate the Donner classic EVEN moreso! Ok, more later...

Told ya that’s pretty much the reaction you’d get out of it. Seems like we’re predisposed to the idea of what could have been would have been better (i.e. The Donner Cut), but we’re mostly proven that the final results are the best that could be offered at the time. Something I don’t think Caped Wonder has is all of the notes and conversations that were had with DC Comics and many of the points were addressed.

It's still an interesting read (so far...)-

If I have time, I'll probably jump forward now and then to skimming the - Benton/Newmans' draft - and then the Mank draft again to see where the sharpest changes happened.

One thing that I do keep in mind also is the Mank/Donner collaborations that have seemed pretty tight structurally. While the ending is predictable, I do love LadyHawke that they made together as well as Mank's Writing/directing on Dragnet.

So, will see how the scripts are....

[crazy_asian_man]

Now I'm more/less skimming it as the script is more a bit of a chore-

But.... nuggets of interest still come up!

* Jor-el AND Lara appear with the computer. Kryptonite has a somewhat long explanation (compared to the theatrical)- and it's mentioned as not that deadly, bizzarely, rather than lethal with prolongued exposure.

[crazy_asian_man]

* The relationship with Lois and Clark/Superman is a bit different- more like how Lois & Clark had Lois in love with both of them--- rather than the more comedic version in the Donner film.

The transition to Lois finding out is a lot less dramatic (on paper)- but interesting, again, to see where it goes...

* Also, it does feel weird to see Supes constantly going back to Jorel and Lara at the same time (via the computer) to ask about everything so far...

[crazy_asian_man]

* Apparently the PZ criminals are headed to earth- and Superman finds out that they're due to arrive two months in advance, in the script. Huh. Again- will be interesting to see how this develops and who made all the changes that would result in the final theatrical versions.

[atp]

Does the script make any mention of CGI villains ruling the world?

[crazy_asian_man]

Feb 6, 2023 6:27:11 GMT -5 atp said:

Does the script make any mention of CGI villains ruling the world?

Not yet. There are some neat things in the Puzo script that I wish had been kept, but overall I also wonder what we might have gotten if they had gotten Mank right off the bat to adapt the comics.

With the Newmans, I mainly look at Superman III that were their 'original' creation that was underwhelming.... but faithfully directed by Lester. The result to me was a movie that was unfunny and not moving either- but still worth seeing for Reeve and the cast besides the script.

But- again, with all the comics, it's hard to know what should have been picked first... so Puzo did pave the way. I am glad that they went back to the Daily Planet as newspaper rather than the comics update to tv news. (Not Puzo's fault if that was the dictate). It just feels 'off' in many ways.

[Kamdan]

I also wonder what we might have gotten if they had gotten Mank right off the bat to adapt the comics.

Mankiewicz was hired for the job due to his reputation as a script doctor. It’s largely a thankless job because you rarely make enough of a contribution to the script that warrants an actual credit, where the real money is. He didn’t even want to do it at first until Donner convinced him to. I wasn’t too impressed with his attempt at writing Batman that should have been enough proof that the sane approaches to the material don’t work for these characters.

I am glad that they went back to the Daily Planet as newspaper rather than the comics update to tv news. (Not Puzo's fault if that was the dictate). It just feels 'off' in many ways.

I need to go back to the comics of that era to examine how and why everyone shifted from TV news and back to the newspaper setting. You gotta give DC credit for attempting to modernize. I believe one criticism of the movie at the time was pointing out that newsrooms with typewriters was dated even for the late 70’s. Wonder if the

[crazy_asian_man]

Feb 6, 2023 20:43:10 GMT -5 Kamdan said:

I also wonder what we might have gotten if they had gotten Mank right off the bat to adapt the comics.

Mankiewicz was hired for the job due to his reputation as a script doctor. It’s largely a thankless job because you rarely make enough of a contribution to the script that warrants an actual credit, where the real money is. He didn’t even want to do it at first until Donner convinced him to. I wasn’t too impressed with his attempt at writing Batman that should have been enough proof that the sane approaches to the material don’t work for these characters.

I am glad that they went back to the Daily Planet as newspaper rather than the comics update to tv news. (Not Puzo's fault if that was the dictate). It just feels 'off' in many ways.

I need to go back to the comics of that era to examine how and why everyone shifted from TV news and back to the newspaper setting. You gotta give DC credit for attempting to modernize. I believe one criticism of the movie at the time was pointing out that newsrooms with typewriters was dated even for the late 70’s. Wonder if the

I know Mank said that the studios felt his script was 'too dark' as is... but Burton's was even darker (though I have major issues with Burton's version). Eventually I do want to check it out- especially as I understand Donner was offered it, but passed.

If I recall right, it was DC trying to modernize in the comics- but, definitely glad that by the time the movie got made, that it went back to being a newspaper. One of the fantastic things that I loved about STM was the sense of timelessness in it's choices. If Supes was going to be rebooted as a standalone, I might have suggested it be a bit of a period piece.

Anyhow- still enjoying the fact that the access to the Puzo versions are here- (now I just want the SII extaended international cut on widescreen on blu ray and I'll be happy (enough).

[dejan]

Thanks for doing this CAM(and Kamdan)

I personally have not had the time to go through any of it yet, so totally appreciate your commitment to dive through and extract the salient points!

Definitely some interesting evolutions from draft to final product.

Also, I am definitely not an expert on the comics , so appreciate your insights into how these scripts diverge from the canon.

[crazy_asian_man]

Feb 7, 2023 11:49:22 GMT -5 dejan said:

Thanks for doing this CAM(and Kamdan)

I personally have not had the time to go though any of it yet, so totally appreciate your commitment to dive through and extract the salient points!

Definitely some interesting evolutions from draft to final product.

Also, I am definitely not an expert on the comics , so appreciate your insights into how these scripts diverge from the canon.

Very welcome! It's been fun... although also a little disappointing to see it wasn't a 'masterpiece' that got thinned down, but more a mixed blob adaptation -some of which has some sparkly bits that did and didn't get to the screen- I hope to eventually 'nail down' (though it won't be thorough) of who added/changed what part to become the thing we all love-

Though.... immediately what comes to mind is John Barry's decision to have crystals as the heart of Krypton, that influenced everything else creatively. It really was a masterstroke. (* Puzo's draft has things made of glass- but crystal seems Barry's specific change that helped a lot). And, of course, the sentimentality and epic approach that Donner felt the movie needed to have. There's some of the 'bigness' in the draft- but it definitely feels FAR FAR away from what ended up on screen.

[crazy_asian_man]

Aside: Did Puzo die before STM was released? Would have been curious to hear his reaction on the final product.

[dejan]

@cam

Wiki says Puzo died in 1999.

It also says that Puzo's wife died(she was only 58 at the time) in 1978 due to cancer.
So it could be that Puzo was indifferent with regards to STM's theatrical release given what he was going through in his private life in that time frame.

[crazy_asian_man]

Feb 7, 2023 16:55:02 GMT -5 dejan said:

@cam

Wiki says Puzo died in 1999.

It also says that Puzo's wife died(she was only 58 at the time) in 1978 due to cancer.
So it could be that Puzo was indifferent with regards to STM's theatrical release given what he was going through in his private life in that time frame.

Thanks Dejan!

Sad to hear about his wife- You might be right on that- But I could see someone grieving but having art be a momentary welcome distraction, too, for an incurable disease that one has to live with, day in/out.

It is a little weird, too, that Puzo (apparently in his contract) didn't allow a novelization of the movies that sprung from his script (iniitally). I wonder if he wanted to save that for himself (and get the profits off being the one to do so)- or - what the reasoning was behind having that be a thing.

Especially weird, maybe, because the final result was more than a few steps removed.

[crazy_asian_man]

Quickee note:
Jumped ahead a bit to the battle at the end (SII portion)-

* Supes has a Kryptonite belt to try to defeat the villains- (I know I must have skipped over a lot) for the Metro battle-

* Apparently 'Dead people are lying all over the city' during the destruction. WOW. And Superman is shown bleeding.

No ice cream blowing in any guy's face. Puzo wasn't afraid of going really dark with his version.

* Oddly, (again, I'm skimming so I may come back to this)- Lois leaves the script before the final confrontation with the villains, but tells Supes/Clark that she loves him. No dying in the Fortress of Solitude. No turning back of time...

So- if Puzo only did two drafts and left- then the problematic turning back of time- came from Benton, Newmans, or Mank. Huh...

[atp]

Feb 8, 2023 5:45:08 GMT -5 crazy_asian_man said:

Quickee note:
Jumped ahead a bit to the battle at the end (SII portion)-

* Supes has a Kryptonite belt to try to defeat the villains- (I know I must have skipped over a lot) for the Metro battle-

* Apparently 'Dead people are lying all over the city' during the destruction. WOW. And Superman is shown bleeding.

No ice cream blowing in any guy's face. Puzo wasn't afraid of going really dark with his version.

* Oddly, (again, I'm skimming so I may come back to this)- Lois leaves the script before the final confrontation with the villains, but tells Supes/Clark that she loves him. No dying in the Fortress of Solitude. No turning back of time...

So- if Puzo only did two drafts and left- then the problematic turning back of time- came from Benton, Newmans, or Mank. Huh...

Were any key monuments (around the world) destroyed in this script?

[crazy_asian_man]

Blip bit: There seems to be a lot of Superman handing drinks to people to erase their memories. At least he's not kissing everyone (a la Robot Chicken) to get them to forget...

[dejan]

Feb 8, 2023 5:45:08 GMT -5 crazy_asian_man said:

Quickee note:
Jumped ahead a bit to the battle at the end (SII portion)-

* Supes has a Kryptonite belt to try to defeat the villains- (I know I must have skipped over a lot) for the Metro battle-

* Apparently 'Dead people are lying all over the city' during the destruction. WOW. And Superman is shown bleeding.

No ice cream blowing in any guy's face. Puzo wasn't afraid of going really dark with his version.

* Oddly, (again, I'm skimming so I may come back to this)- Lois leaves the script before the final confrontation with the villains, but tells Supes/Clark that she loves him. No dying in the Fortress of Solitude. No turning back of time...

So- if Puzo only did two drafts and left- then the problematic turning back of time- came from Benton, Newmans, or Mank. Huh...

That's very interesting regarding the origin of turning back time.

Dare I say it CAM, could it have been Lester himself to suggest it, even as the original ending for SII.

We do know that the actual moritorium on the shooting of SII was proposed by Lester.
 

[dejan]

@cam

Hmmm - the dead civilians in the streets of Metropolis does sound a touch dark.

Having said that, we did get the destruction of Krypton,Pa Kent's demise aswell as the poor cop being jettisoned under the train in the final draft of STM. 

So for all it's uplifting elements-STM still had some pretty dark undertones.

[dejan]

Feb 7, 2023 23:11:37 GMT -5 crazy_asian_man said:

Feb 7, 2023 16:55:02 GMT -5 dejan said:

@cam

Wiki says Puzo died in 1999.

It also says that Puzo's wife died(she was only 58 at the time) in 1978 due to cancer.
So it could be that Puzo was indifferent with regards to STM's theatrical release given what he was going through in his private life in that time frame.

Thanks Dejan!

Sad to hear about his wife- You might be right on that- But I could see someone grieving but having art be a momentary welcome distraction, too, for an incurable disease that one has to live with, day in/out.

It is a little weird, too, that Puzo (apparently in his contract) didn't allow a novelization of the movies that sprung from his script (iniitally). I wonder if he wanted to save that for himself (and get the profits off being the one to do so)- or - what the reasoning was behind having that be a thing.

Especially weird, maybe, because the final result was more than a few steps removed.

I guess there was a passage of roughly 3 years between Puzo's actual involvement in the project(1975/76) and the actual release of the movie in late 78'.
That's quite a long time.

It could be that Puzo had simply moved onto other projects by 1978 or was on hiatus given the events taking place in his private life.

 Yeah- - very interesting regarding his contractual stipulation to hold onto the novelization rights.
Maybe when Puzo did get round to seeing the final product, it was so far removed from his original vision(as you say) that he simply abandoned any pretenses of novelizing his initial scripts-lol.

[Kamdan]

I believe Puzo attended the premiere of the first film. With how good it turned out compared to his initial work, he probably thought it was best to keep quiet about the affair and accept any credit he received. That’s pretty much what the Newmans did and Mankiewicz got to throw some shade at them when he brought up how their script for Sheena, Queen of the Jungle wasn’t as good as Superman. I also believe he had some legalities to settle with the Salkinds as Brando served as well.

I have a piece of material not yet shared that appears to be a draft of the novelization that may have been penned by Puzo. It appears to have adapted Mankiewicz’s rewrite of the Krypton scenes but much of the story elements seem to follow Puzo’s original story. I’ll share more details when I get more concrete details on what it is.

[crazy_asian_man]

Feb 8, 2023 16:20:24 GMT -5 dejan said:

@cam

Hmmm - the dead civilians in the streets of Metropolis does sound a touch dark.

Having said that, we did get the destruction of Krypton,Pa Kent's demise aswell as the poor cop being jettisoned under the train in the final draft of STM. 

So for all it's uplifting elements-STM still had some pretty dark undertones.

There's also another bit of Superman saying that he needs to kill all of the PZ criminals- a far cry from what had been established in comics- Superman had a longtime code of never killing.... so I would be suprised if DC didn't sasy anything-- (Though some fans have said they were totally convinced that Supes killed off the villains in SII at the end to this day).

I do wonder at the tone Puzo had imagined.... something like the Dark Knight? If Donner had directed Puzo's version, I do think Donner could have made it work- but definitely not the fun romantic version that had come out. With the (intentional) different tones in the STM-SII movies, though- from Mank's script, I do imagine that the final battle wold have been more intense and certainly not as ridiculous as what Lester did- but but probably the streets wouldn't be 'littered with dead civilians' or such as the Puzo version.

But- great point... if there was the destruction of Krypton- with its seriousness, we could have easily had the same seriousness with the destruction of Metropolis.

[crazy_asian_man]

Feb 8, 2023 20:05:43 GMT -5 Kamdan said:

I believe Puzo attended the premiere of the first film. With how good it turned out compared to his initial work, he probably thought it was best to keep quiet about the affair and accept any credit he received. That’s pretty much what the Newmans did and Mankiewicz got to throw some shade at them when he brought up how their script for Sheena, Queen of the Jungle wasn’t as good as Superman. I also believe he had some legalities to settle with the Salkinds as Brando served as well.

I have a piece of material not yet shared that appears to be a draft of the novelization that may have been penned by Puzo. It appears to have adapted Mankiewicz’s rewrite of the Krypton scenes but much of the story elements seem to follow Puzo’s original story. I’ll share more details when I get more concrete details on what it is.

I was totally open to the Newmans and even Lester providing a great Superman III- but with how (imo) they downgraded the quality of SII- I was less than thrilled seeing their work on SIII- but... with the Puzo scripts available, I am more open to seeing what they did and didn't add.

I really liked Mank's adaptation of LadyHawke for Donner & the tightness of his own work on Dragnet- and his SII script feels pretty tight. But- I won't discount what the Newmans might have added now that the Puzo scripts are there for comparison.

That is cool if there's Puzo-written adaptation/novelization, but I think seeing the Puzo scripts so far again make me feel better that it wasn't a case of a written masterpiece watered down, but, instead, improved upon with the revisions (for the most part based on the resulting film versions).